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Sometimes it just sneaks up on me; one minute i'm fine, the next i'm a blubbering ball of tears, sobbing away, curled up tight around a teddy bear if i'm lucky... sometimes I'm back those 15 or so years to that hospital room or the chapel and my beautiful Kathryn is there, and to add insult to injury, she's looking pinker and healthier than she ever looked in life... sometimes my heart is torn out anew and everything crumbles back to those fragmented moments of memory that still shine clear and bright and oh so sharp, both in clarity and in the pain they invoke... sometimes i miss her even more than i do every day... and the happy memories that i can usually bear turn to torture