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I guess this'd be number 2....

Well... this sux....

1st my net connection, which has managed to do it'self proud today.... it managed over 5 hours straight... well, it died at about half seven.... it took a while to get back, and by then my dinner was cooked (turkey, roast potatoes and various veggies... num-num!!!)...

So I ate that.... then I pissed around with the Media thing in IE to get some good music out of it.... (i'm not on my computer... so i can't install Radio Free Virgin or anything like that... which sux)... but still.. I think the only reason my net stayed up was cos I'm on this machine not my desktop... i think that's broked :-(


OK... brain on track now...

So, I come back and get online, and my Angel's gone... we've chatted for like, 10 hours today... which has been awesome... but now I'm sad cos, like a silly sappy soppy sad-fuck, I miss her already :~(

So I guess I have to wait now.... she's gone for a nap... poor baby's been up all night... she's been talking to me since 9:30am-ish GMT, so that's about 4:30am her time...

Shes said she'll be back at 6 her time, which i make 11 my time.... damn i hate time zones... still, one day it won't be an issue.

Until then, I'm stuck doing code and stuff... it needs doing, but it's *really* dull... I was bored of this part of the project before I'd started it... it's mundane database code and form validation stuff... nothing really *complex*... but just enough to tax my brain when I'm tired and my concentration is off...

Speaking of concentration being gone... i get the feeling my depression might be coming back... well, getting worse again... my concentration has started to slide, and that's usually a warning sign... and being tired but not able to sleep usually goes in there too... still, i don't want to go back on the chemicals. i don't wanna be numb again... i don't want to loose where i've got to.... i will *not* go back. i won't let myself do that. i *will* stay sane this time.

no drugs
no self-destruct
no escaping
no failure

i will *live* this time. i won't go back to existing.

!bah! this is depressing in itself... i don't need this.

i'm gonna go and do something useful, or something ;-)


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