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Busy bee... :-)

Well, I'm being a busy little bee recently...

Lots of reading up to sort out how I can start to sort out my life... There's all *sorts* of fun little niggles with transition.... I mean, would a straight, easy path be too much to ask? By the sounds of things, um, yeah.... so I'm reading up on what steps have to have what other steps as a foundation. It all seems to come back to the "Real Life Test".... iow, living as a woman instead of dressing occassionally and talking about it. But you have to be able to demonstrate that you can support yourself during that time in your assumed gender... and I can't even do that in my birth-gender :-(

I've gotta join a local doctors... my GP is in bristol still. Then I can get them to (hopefully) refer me to either a gender clinic or the local psychiatric services, so they can decide that, yes, I *AM* sane and this is something I really *do* want... and that I genuinely do have gender dystrophy or whatever it was called (2am is not the best time to be reading if you want to remember exact phrases)...

Still, all in all, I'm feeling good.

I've started (at *very* long last) writing a PHP program to go on my Chiark site, so that I can locally host copies of a couple of sites I built as main (ie based at DocumentRoot) sites, without having to go through and fix every absolute link in them... It's going pretty good so far (500 lines to this point, including comments). I have a config file that gets read and processed and I have a couple of neat features in my design so that I can link the local-copies of the www and intranet sites from JCCTC together, since neither of the originals now exist... All I have to do now is write the code to do the actual *WORK*... I'm *bouncy* happy about how well this is going... 30 hours ago, I'd never written any PHP of my own, and the only stuff I'd written was pathetically small bits of copy'n'paste stuff, to try and see if PHP was available on a server.

Anyone who knows Chiark well enough will realise that this is sort of semi-acadeic right now, cos Chiark doesn't *have* PHP...

I forgot. Simple.

I *did* know.... I asked Ian about it a while back and he did mention that there might be a possiblity of getting it installed... so I've now mailled him (in some ways not the best timing with Chiark schedueled to be updated to the latest debian-stable this weekend, I'm hoping he got the message *before* he started that, so that if it *IS* easier to install PHP alongside the debian update he can, and save himself any extra work...).

I don't like asking for stuff...

I *really* don't like asking for stuff if it might be inconvenient....

Oh well... I like my program, I wanna be able to use it....

I've also started a nice new area on my website.... to do with being TS and stuff. It's *very* new atm, and I'm not posting links to it just yet, and it's not linked off the main site yet either... maybe soon... once I have a bit more content.... maybe then Little Miss Goth's Purple Pages can make an appearance :-)

All in all, I'm *chirpy*... this is an odd feeling.... i'm *so* not used to feeling good about things..... :-)


( 2 Mobwebs — Spin A Cobweb )
12th Apr, 2003 12:24 (UTC)
Im Glad Your Happy.

I Just Wish I Could Have Been A Part of The Happiness, But Alas And Alak.

XoXo <33
12th Apr, 2003 15:17 (UTC)
I would have like that too, but I don't think you can aceept me on the only terms I feel I can offer.

I would *like* to be able to transision *soon*, as in I'd like to have had GRS within the next couple of years. I'd like to get atleast a little bit of time to be a twenty-something girl. I don't think you're prepared to deal with that.

I'm suffocating in this house, and I'm drowning in this body that feels *SO* wrong.

And at the moment, sorting through all the information and working out how things could go... is the most real and human I've felt in as long as I can remember clearly. Jo is only ever going to become more visible and more and more the face I present to the world. Because it's who I am.

And I'm tired of being doubted and second guessed and left by the way side for someone else then begged to take you back because it was a mistake. I can't deal with that, open relationsip or not. I don't see why I should be the 5000-mile-away-fall-back-when-things-go-wrong. Maybe one of the things I've come to realise recently is that I'm worth more than that, and if you don't think that, then we were never going to make it.
( 2 Mobwebs — Spin A Cobweb )