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Well, i tried to phone, i got an answer machine, i tried again and again got the machine.

i don't *do* machines.... maybe i should?

maybe i'll try again in a minute. maybe, if i can stop being quite so shit scared that she's gone... that she's not just not there or not answering, but really gone.

no. i have gotta stop thinking like that. i can't believe that just yet. it's not true. she's alive. she *is*...

i wish my heart'd slow down.. this racy-poundy thing is starting to actually hurt.

Sarah, i love you.