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*SELFHATE*

I hate me. I really and truly do.

I hate that I have this fucking transgender stuff in me.... because the thing that makes me *ME*... that makes my personality what it is.... that makes me think and act how i do.... the major female-side... the stuff i squashed for a long time becuase it's not "right" according to most of society... the stuff that is coming out these last few months ever stronger.... all that stuff, in it's ultimate form will destroy the most important relationship that i could possibly have.

i hate me.

and i'm crying.

Comments

( 7 Mobwebs — Spin A Cobweb )
drkangel150
15th Dec, 2002 17:16 (UTC)
*hugg*
airneail
16th Dec, 2002 08:03 (UTC)
I hope that where you live in the UK is much more friendly to transgendered than Aberdeen was! If not, I'll come over soon and kick some ass and take names. I did it once before. ;) I'll do it again.

littlemissgoth
16th Dec, 2002 15:30 (UTC)
I'm not 'out', so it's not really an issue... or something I've experienced.... we'll see (if?/)when i get to that point.... both from the being strong enough emotionally to deal with negative responses and from the basic 'wardrobe' perspective... being broke, unemployed and trying to save a few thousand pounds so I can fly to florida, don't really add up.... I got some government money recently, which is currently getting split up into various bits.... i need some stuff including a special christmas present, i want some stuff, and i wanna save some towards the florida trip too... oh, and then there's the walking in heals to get the hang off too...! ;-)

But thanks for the offer of bigot-bashing!!! :-) It's much appreciated... i'll remember if i ever get any trouble to send for the Avenging Aisling! :-)
(Deleted comment)
littlemissgoth
16th Dec, 2002 17:49 (UTC)


nummy lollipop... thankyou :-)
(Deleted comment)
littlemissgoth
16th Dec, 2002 18:11 (UTC)
<giggle>

yes, thank you :-)

Hugs and lollipops.... how to fix all *sorts* of problems ;-)

Could I please be added to your friend list? I *did* score pretty good on your "should you be dating me" quiz... so I can't be *too* bad ;-)

oops.. that sounds too come-on-y to me... tis not meant to be...
(Deleted comment)
littlemissgoth
16th Dec, 2002 18:31 (UTC)
Yep, *quite* a while... since way back before we had a comment-conversation about poetry...

I tend to lurk... and then one day i figured i'd collect the ones i read regularly (um, religously(?)... i am starting to get into LJaddict-land) and put them in my friends list... i still lurk on quite a few that *aren't* on the friend list, but i don't tend to read those ones so often.....

Thank you for adding me :-)
(Deleted comment)
littlemissgoth
16th Dec, 2002 18:47 (UTC)
<grin>

Apart from anything, you're too pretty to lurk... lurking's for the ugly-club...

And mr_self_destruc is gonna kill me for *that* comment....

I lurk cos I don't really like to say anything unless i think it's worthwhile.... i have a slight shyness thing going on.... and it carries over sometimes to the online world....
( 7 Mobwebs — Spin A Cobweb )