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The End

She's gone.

Not like, dead or anything.

She wants a "break".

So now a major part of m life is switched off. My reasons for actually trying to get a job, for plugging away at code and stuff, are gone.

She says "i can't hurt you anymore".

Perhaps not.

But i can hurt me.

Everyday I'm gonna wake up and hate this.

Everyday i'm gonna imagine more and more reasons why this "break" has to happen.

I will not do this in public. I am not going to sit and write in here how i'm feeling. because she can read it. a "break" is a BREAK. no contact. no news.

And if, in how ever many months or years it is before she thinks of me again, i'm still alive.. if i don't go into bristol tomorrow to sign on and get hit by a bus... maybe <shrug> who knows, i don't.

Sarah, this is the last few lines of this journal.

I love you, and I know you love me.

But a break is what you want, so a break is what you get.

A few hours every few nights, i'm sorry it wasnt enough.

I hope you're happy. I hope you're well. I hope you find whatever you are looking for.

I hope that one day you'll remember how i feel about you, and how you said that that was enough. enough for us to get through anything.

So begins my Hell.