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Well, I've made a decision. It came out of a discussion earlier with Sarah. I've been awake since then thinking about the discussion and some other things.

The discussion was about telling my parents about us. Sarah asked me to tell them this holiday. And fair's fair, she's told her dad, so I should tell atleast one of my parents. That's not the bit that's had me thinking.

I've been thinking about how to approach telling them.

Now, we don't have the most open of relationships... we don't tend to talk about stuff to much... My mum and I do, but my dad is very closed off, especially if you mention my sister. So I figure the best approach is to tell my mum. This has a few problems though, one of which is getting enough time with her when my dad isn't around to go through this. Another is that I'm quite likely to get too nervous and bail on the whole plan.

So I've come up with an idea... it came out of something Ambyguity said to me the other day... I'm gonna write stuff down. I'm gonna put as much of it down on paper as I possibly can, not just stating stuff as it is, but also as much background and as much description as I can.

Now, this set me thinking, because originally the writing idea came out of a discussion about trans-ness... I've basically come to the conclusion that there are enough things that are not known by my parents, and that it's time to change that.

So, my writing is gonna include four things:
  o The fact that I'm bisexual
  o My suicidal past and that that is currently pretty much under control
  o My being transsexual
  o Sarah and I

The order is something I've thought about. Being bi sholdn't be a biggy, whereas Sarah and I is very complex. They're in kinda, ascending complexity order.

So, it could be a very difficult holiday season.

I've never done anything like this. I'm going to be a bit of a mess I think after this is over. But I think I'll feel better. If they don't disown me.



A note on the music; this was one of my sister's favourite tracks. I played it so much after she died. I've not played it much since. I decided today that I would try to learn to play it, like I was going to when she was stil alive. This is dedicated to her. I love you Kathryn.