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7..?

Well, i feel like crap... why can i go from being fairly bouncy-cheerful to borderline suicidal in about 5 seconds.... let's see if i can remember my medical definitions here.... manic depressive sounds about right.... hmm.... probably... cept for the eating thing, I can probably score a nice high score on the goldberg scale for depression atleast... probably not the mania side, but.. hold on, lets see, shall we?

Oh, before i forget, the original for this was found at Depression Central in the Diagnosis and Classification of Depression section:

                         THE GOLDBERG MOOD SCALES
 
Note: These scales are designed to measure changes in the severity of 
depression and mania that result from psychotherapeutic or psychopharma-
cologic treatment.  Changes in either scale of five or more points are
significant  These scales are NOT designed to make a diagnosis of either
depression or mania.  If you score high on either or both of these scales
and suspect that you are depressed, and/or manic, arrange for an immediate
psychiatric evaluation.


 
                           Goldberg Depression Scale
 
The items  below  refer  to how  you have  felt  and behaved  DURING THE  
PAST WEEK. For each item, indicate the extent to which it is true, by     
circling one of  the numbers that follows it.  Using the following scale: 
 
0 = Not at all                1 = Just a little               2 = Somewhat
 
3 = Moderately                4 = Quite a lot                5 = Very much
==========================================================================
1.  I do things slowly.                              4
 
2.  My future seems hopeless.                        4
 
3.  It is hard for me to concentrate on reading.     3.5
 
4.  The pleasure and joy has gone out of my life.    3.5
 
5.  I have difficulty making decisions.              4
 
6.  I have lost interest in aspects of life that 
    used to be important to me.                      3.5
 
7.  I feel sad, blue, and unhappy.                   4
 
8.  I am agitated and keep moving around.            2.5
 
9.  I feel fatigued.                                 4.5
 
10. It takes great effort for me to do 
    simple things.                                   3
 
11.  I feel that I am a guilty person who deserves 
     to be punished.                                 4
 
12.  I feel like a failure.                          4
 
13.  I feel lifeless - - - more dead than alive.     3.5
 
14.  My sleep has been disturbed---too little, too 
     much, or broken sleep.                          4
 
15.  I spend time thinking about HOW I might 
     kill myself.                ~~~                 4
 
16.  I feel trapped or caught.                       3.5
 
17.  I feel depressed even when good things 
     happen to me.                                   3
 
18.  Without trying to diet, I have lost, or 
     gained, weight.                                 1
 
                        Copyright (c) 1993  Ivan Goldberg
 
                                Goldberg Mania Scale
 
The items  below  refer  to how  you have  felt  and behaved  DURING THE 
PAST WEEK. For each item, indicate the extent to which it is true, by 
circling one of  the numbers that follows it.  Using the following scale:
 
     0 = Not at all          1 = Just a little          2 = Somewhat
 
     3 = Moderately          4 = Quite a lot            5 = Very much
 
==========================================================================
1.  My mind has never been sharper.                  0
 
2.  I need less sleep than usual.                    0
 
3.  I have so many plans and new ideas that it is 
    hard for me to work.                             0
 
4.  I feel a pressure to talk and talk.              0
 
5.  I have been particularly happy.                  0
 
6.  I have been more active than usual.              0
 
7.  I talk so fast that people have a hard time 
    keeping up with me.                              0
 
8.  I have more new ideas than I can handle.         0
 
9.  I have been irritable.                           4
 
10. It's easy for me to think of jokes and 
    funny stories.                                   0
 
11.  I have been feeling like "the life of 
     the party."                                     0
 
12.  I have been full of energy.                     0
 
13.  I have been thinking about sex.                 4
 
14.  I have been feeling particularly playful.       1
 
15.  I have special plans for the world.             1
 
16.  I have been spending too much money.            0
 
17.  My attention keeps jumping from one idea 
     to another.                                     3
 
18.  I find it hard to slow down and stay in 
     one place.                                      0
 
                       Copyright (c) 1993  Ivan Goldberg

Well, I make that 63.5 on the depression scale and 13 on the mania scale.... oh dear <shrug>

I guess i might have to consider medication... course, if i do it tomorrow in a good mood i'll probably get, hmm, in the 40s or something i guess.... maybe even still up in the 50s...

i guess the mania score is ok though....

hmmph..

what to do... well, i'd try to write some code or something, but i can't keep my head in it... i can handle doing webpages... have been for most of today... simple monotonous stuff... copy typing basically today.. transcribing documentation from PDF to HTML... <yawn>.... no complexity to it... but even that's been a bit of a struggle... i can't seem to remember more than about five words at a time... have to keep alt-tabbing between acrobat and frontpage (oh yeah, i'm using a lazy-mans tool aswell... i barely have to think about html tags.... only when i'm sorting out the goddamn fonts....). it's been a frustrating day... the most complex thing i've done was implement a code fix that i thought of last night when i was trying to get to sleep.... that's right folks! i got yet another abysmal night's sleep... i was still awake at 4:30... so the Plan is just falling further away from me.... <makes concerted effort to pull self together> i *will* manage this. *everything* rides on it...

oh well.... this might actually have become the most complex thing today.... i mean, i had to use a *search engine*.....

<shrugs again>

i seem to be doing that alot too... atleast mentally..... :-(

i best go before i ramble this into being a 100k file..

Cya

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